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Miggybyte 9
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Miggybyte 9.adf
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MB_35.TXT
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1996-10-06
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87 lines
WAYS TO CONFUSE/ANNOY/SCARE YOUR ROOM-MATE
Stephe Powell
Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly
that you can never find the book that you want.
Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your room-mate is looking away, float up out of
your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your room-mate suspiciously.
Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the
baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she
walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat
it. If your room-mate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand
that s/he reimburse you.
Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with
"Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it at
least 6 hours a day. If your room-mate complains, explain that it's an
assignment for your primitive cultures class.
Open the curtains before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon
as you wake up.
Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while,
then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling.
Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. Use this
method to fall asleep every night for a month.
If you get in before your room-mate, go to sleep in his/her bed. The
next morning, apologize about the wet spot.
Give him/her an allowance; then dock it.
Listen to radio static. Take notes.
Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel,
and go shower too.
Whenever your room-mate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and
giggle to yourself.
Whenever your room-mate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Take
notes. Write a paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your
room-mate protests, say, "The people have a right to know!"
Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your
room-mate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain
that your feet hurt.
Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a
hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost
of light bulbs.
Hit your room-mate on the head with a fly swatter. Claim that you were
trying to kill a mosquito.
When your room-mate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
Hang a tyre swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone
besides your room-mate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim
that the tyre swing was your room-mate's idea. When you and your
room-mate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
Challenge your room-mate to a duel. If he/she refuses, claim that you
have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his/her side of the room.
Insist that he/she remove all of his/her possessions immediately. Do it
again the next day.
Sign your room-mate up for various activities (Campus tour guide, blood
donor, organ donor).
END
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